Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I have been rediscovering an extremely common statement of fact. Perhaps a reader of this post will sigh at the pronouncement i am just about to make, and not care to read what else follows. it is so obvious. but it is one thing to think something, and another to live it, to realize it. have i realized it or is it just a thought lingering in my head too long? but let me not regress, and pile up this post in the other unpublished ones in my blog account (because most of the things i want to write about are left unwritten with the amount of questions words ask me, when i place them down here, and then i take a detour and try to satisfy them, and it leaves me extremely unsatisfied, because it is not easy to satisfy words...precisely this. today i am going to let the glaring stares of a few questions just be. and move forward with what i think i want to say (why am i saying this at all? and who is going to read this anyway) whatever. i will still say this. (i realized i didn't find a spot to even close the parenthesis i opened.) oh well.

so, to state the quite obvious. People are different. period. and the difference is impenetrable, its like saying, the sky is infinite. what do i mean by it? i know what. but i can't limit it with definitions. one can never know how exactly the other is perceiving-smelling, touching, feeling, looking at the world. what we know is what we think we know. i walked a beautiful shadow strewn road in the sunny late afternoon today, and met someone very nice. we shared a very rare moment in life, and the more i spoke with this person, i realized that i am a person so different from this person. and in sensing this, i was defining my own self. realizing my own framework of viewing the world. we both saw though, how the flowers were in full bloom by the side of the road and the shadows of big banyan trees made our faces look really pretty. it is one thing to travel together. to journey together. share, care, love, fight, argue, hate etc. and quite another to know the other's journey.

i don't mean to adopt a solipsists position. i only want to convey the realization, that we are saying too much, when we say we know the other. there is nothing like that. it is merely a convenient thought. we could understand the other. but never know, in the philosophical real sense of 'knowing'.

to accept this, to take it for what it is, is where the real question arises. can we really love?

my heart asks me shut up. and lets me love. :)

honestly, if the heart could think, it would stop beating. phew!

Sunday, April 3, 2011

i sit by the window that pours in pure sunlight. there is such peace here. i am a little weary of poetic descriptions of where i am, what i am doing. (i blame it on excessess)  but somethings are just truly, phenomenally, beautiful. and then if i use the word beautiful too often, its not my fault. how else shall i begin writing about this incandescent moment but place it in the serenity and calmness of maitraban. a moment of candid conversation with the self. perhaps not a conversation, but a moment of seeing the self, existing wholly, trully, as it is, in the blue quiet water below. and when this moment lingers in the heart, even the laptop screen reflects me, exactly as what i am.

 at such moments, most certainly, there is a feeling of incompleteness. of a lack. i realized though, as i saw ten thousand stars blinking in the night sky, that there is no urgency to fill this blank, that life's strongest and most intense moments are in waiting. waiting with dignity, waiting with hope, waiting with persistent growth, waiting without helplessness, waiting without sorrow. there is a rhythm to life one can't dream of meddling with. how i admire that elephant there, slowly walking, with the burden of his being, with childlike innocence in his little eyes, slowly, steadily, like a King out on his journey, oh but without indifference! there is an acceptance of the world, of the people, of the soft breeze touching his eyelids, of the hard dusty ground he walks on. no, waiting is a wait only as much as a seed is a tree. there is happiness in being the seed too... i didn't know...